Hi there, this is a review of an XS OC. Many of these are absolutely awful but I was part of this fandom and I knew these people so I won’t tear into them heartlessly. Many of them have gone on to create great characters, so there’s hope for us all.
My comments will be in italics
Name - Soyuki Lorikenn
Meaning - ‘So’ is for ‘Sophia’ that means ‘Knowledge’ in Greek; ‘Yuki’ means ‘Snow’ in Japanese
Age - 16/18
Nationality - American
Hometown - Macerata (Italy)
Ok to start with, her name sounds Japanese, but she’s an american who was raised in Italy. If she was raised in the USA with a Japanese parent I would over-look this. Most names that are ‘American’ in origin are mash-ups or weird spellings or words. What’s wrong with Italian names? There are two MCs who do not come from Asian countries and their names reflect that, there’s no need to have a Japanese-like name.
The last name is made up, it’s really not that hard to find last names.
http://surnames.behindthename.com/ Here people, go wild. Here you can look up last names by their nationality.
Certified Birthdate - July 24th
Astrological Sign - Lion
Chinese Astrological Sign - Mouse
Gender - Female
Nickname - N/A
My only issues with this are nit-picking and I’m not 100% sure English is this OC owner’s first language. It’s Leo and Rat, not Lion and mouse.
Hair Color- Light brown
Eye Color - Sea Blue
Weight - 56 kg
Height - 168 cm
Figure - Tough
Not bad height and weight. After throwing that through some converters into Imperial I found she’s about 5’5 and 127 lbs. In the proper weight category for sure.
Although with body-type I think she meant muscular? If so then the weight works out with it. It’s not close to the bare minimum and those muscles would make her heavier.
Soyuki has a half-hearted personality, she doesn’t like to spend time with monks, except for training, where she shows a great capacity forteamwork. She hates jokes, is always on the defensive when someone speaks to her, and may seem very bad, even though in reality she does her best to be friendly. But when someone shows her friendship, she’s very sweet and cuddly with that person or people.
O…K? I have no idea what half-hearted means but I’m willing to throw that under the bus of bad translation. Her personality is pretty consistent, if a little over-used, until that last part. ‘even though in reality she does her best to be friendly’. She’s defensive, we’ve established that, she works well with others but that might just mean she can follow orders. People on the defensive aren’t friendly.
Ok so she doesn’t like jokes, what kinds of jokes? Because knowing what material is triggering for her would be a great way to develop her.
It’s basic psychology. Being defensive is your brain taking feelings inside and applying them to outside situations. You can’t be friendly and defensive, it just doesn’t compute.
Good Habits - During the showdown, she focuses and puts all her energy, she doesn’t hesitate to protect others if they are in difficulty.
Bad Habits - Spends too much time alone listening to music, to avoid being in contact with others.
Fetishes/Strange Behaviors - Love blood and violence (for this when Raimundo bothers her or makes fun of her, she pulls out her claws,literally, and wounds him, sometimes becomes a tiger and attack the monks by surprise, even though makes as a joke, and she is careful tonot hurt them)
(For those of you unfamiliar with XS the premise of the show is that these four kids have elemental powers and use them to find magical artifacts called Shen Gong Wu. They have conflicts with the Heylin ‘evil’ side. The four kids are called ‘monks’ and the elements are Air, Water, Fire, and Earth. In Xiaolin Chronicles which is the new series there’s also Wood.)
Ok, maybe a more detailed personality would help? If she focuses all her energy she’s determined and as for the rest… Why is she protective of the monks unless they make a joke and then all bets are off?
Why can she turn into a tiger, the only one who transforms into anything is Chase Young and he only does that because the Lao Mang Lone Soup made him into an immortal evil dragon-monk.
Why does she take offense to these jokes? WHAT IS TRIGGERING THIS AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR?
Why does she love blood/violence? WHY IS NOTHING LIKE HIS HINTED AT IN PERSONALITY?
Ratings on Personal Qualities
Physical Strength - 10/10
[Since her human DNA is mixed with those of the big cats, her has several features that give her several advantages, for example, is nearly as fast as the cheetah, as silent as a panther, nimble and strong as a tiger and a lioness, also the senses are much finer and is often able toprevent an attack from behind.]
Attractive - 2/10
[Her cat ears and tail, intrigued who sees her for the first time. But her tough body doesn’t make her a very attractive girl.]
Honesty - 8/10
[She doesn’t like to lie, except when absolutely necessary, and sometimes she lie to Chase Young, her adoptive father, when she tells him thatis going to give a bit of trouble to the monks, but in reality she goes to train with them]
Sociability - 4/10
[Prefer to stay with the big cats allies of Chase, rather than with humans.]
Species/Race - Human half feline
Special Skills/ Magical Powers/etc - The styles of workouts of Xiaolin monks and the Heylin one of Chase Young, make her ruthless and thoughtful at the same time.
Signature Shen Gong Wu - Thorn of Thunderbolt
Weaknesses in combat - Water and Fire
Strengths in combat - Agile moves and responsiveness.
Where to begin? Her strength is massively overpowered. How did she get ‘all the DNA of the big cats’? I sense an angsty backstory coming.
Small miracles folks, she’s not attractive. I kind of like that she mentions people who might have some sort of fetish for cat-ears and tail (maybe that’s why there are so many cat-girl OCs?). Maybe the scar is more disfiguring than her body? I dunno, I’ve seen girls with athletic bodies that are bomb-shells, like dang.
Oh more hinting at an angsty back-story. Honesty is… Strange. I mean I can see Chase being honest, he was a xiaolin monk at one time, but her believably lying to him? He’s over 1000 years old, by that time you learn most tricks in the book. She’d have to be a great liar. Also a bit meh on the sociability aspect. It seems we’ve got an angsty back-story coming up.
Closest Friend(s) - No one
Omi - Omi often urge her during training, and in his way comforts her when she is sad. They are good friends, even if he doesn’t accept her hostility towards Raimundo.
Raimundo - Soyuki is hyper-sensitive to jokes and pranks, and she doesn’t get along well with Raimundo because of his fun in make pranks and jokes, she knows he doesn’t mean to really hurt her, but this doesn’t stop her to react fiercely.
Kimiko - Being the only girl in the temple, Kimiko is kind to Soyuki, and share a passion for music. But often Kimiko intrudes when Soyuki andRaimundo fight, and she defends… the answer is obvious.
Clay - Clay and Soyuki are good friends thanks to the good-natured character of the cowboy. Soyuki chats happily with him, and teaches how to use the lasso, but when she uses it in the ”wrong” way, he gets angry and scares her.
Dojo - Their relationship is good, even if they don’t talk very often, and the gab of the dragon often irritates Soyuki.
Master Fung - She has a great respect for the teacher, obeys and she doesn’t complain the chores he gives.
Hated Rivals - Jack Spicer and Wuya, she thinks he’s a stupid and useless jerk and a pompous and vain witch.
Ok where to begin… Omi is very protective of his friends and I don’t think he’d like Soyuki. If she understands that he’s not trying to hurt her feelings maybe she could dial the reaction back a bit. Or, maybe because she’s so honest, tell Raimundo why it bothers her? He’s not an unreasonable guy and I think he’d stop.
Ok Kimiko is in love with Raimundo, that’s canon and accepted. I think, though, Kimiko would try and figure out the reason for Soyuki’s violence. She has no trouble standing up to Raimundo and if she noticed that it was bothering Soyuki enough to incite violence I don’t think she would condone it.
As for Clay. He rarely gets angry. He’s portrayed as the most calm of the group and I doubt he’d get mad quickly if someone who has had no experience with lassos used one improperly.
Dojo and Fung. Well if she’s honest I wouldn’t think she’d be good at hiding her annoyance, most people who are honest aren’t good at hiding things. Consistency please.
Wuya and Jack are pretty spot-on though.
What I can find about this character’s background (it’s really inconsistent surprise surprise) Is that she’s some sort of genetically altered cat-girl. Who can change shape and came to China to learn martial arts. Really. I mean it’s not like she could do that anywhere else in the world. Nope her parents send her to China. There Chase finds her and abducts her. Why you may ask? Because she’s a genetically altered cat-girl and his minions are big cats of course! So he trains her (I don’t know why the only apprentice he’s ever had interest in is Omi because Omi shows great promise as a monk) and she escapes to go with the Xiaolin Monks.
She doesn’t have a cannon pairing (thank god) but she is the Dragon of Lightning. I mean, this doesn’t make much sense does it. In traditional Chinese lore there are 5 elements. It’s assumed that Raimundo’s ‘Wind’ takes the place of metal but now that there’s wood there’s no room for another Xiaolin Dragon. Oh in case you were wondering what her big-cat form looks like:
How to improve this OC:
~Change the name
~More consistent personality and bio
~please no cat-girl. Chase’s warriors are either big cats or warriors, they don’t have cat-ears and tail.
~Change the bio, it sounds really contrived.
~Don’t make her a xiaolin dragon, no ifs ands or buts about it! There is no room in cannon for more dragons!